Time and Again
by knight-rider88
Summary: Sebastian just can't bring himself to take Ciel's soul. And with the conflicting emotions for his young master and his demon pride, Sebastian will do what is necessary to stop feeling the way he does. Even if it means leaving his beloved Ciel.
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1

Saying Goodbye for the Best of Reasons?

My lord, I cannot take your soul." A tall male with raven black hair and shining crimson eyes said in a hushed tone. He stood in his usual butler attire - a simple black tailcoat, ash colored vest, white dress shirt with a black tie, and black pants and dress shoes - but clenched his gloved fists that hung at his side. His gaze was directed between a boys small feet. The silence in the air was enough to drive even the demon mad. _Please, my lord, say something. _But the atmosphere in the study remained still. He hated feeling this way towards a human, especially when it was conveyed to a child he contracted with. Slowly, the butler lifted his eyes to his master. His small, weak, irritating master. The boy just sat in his chair, the same chair he so often fell asleep in while doing his work. His blue-gray hair fell perfectly over his royal blue eye and his covered eye. Ciel face was making was one annoyance, anger, and, perhaps, confusion. Finally, Ciel spoke quite bluntly.

"That pleading distress in your eyes is revolting Sebastian. Now let's get this over with already."

Sebastian let the shock play all over his face. He couldn't believe the 13 year old was ready and waiting to die! The boy stood up from his chair and stretched is fragile, almost feminine body. Ciel wore a black vest with an electric blue, almost matching his eye, black shorts that fell just above the knee, blue knee high socks that matched his shirt and polished lack shoes. Once Sebastian whipped his face clean of emotion, he smiled his trademark smile, though it was only half-hearted, and bowed.

"Of course, my lord." He purred, fighting to not let his inner feelings display on his face. He reached for the black ribbon that hung around Ciel's neck limply, and began to tie it, after buttoning up his shirt. "I would assume the young master will want to look his best for this, no?" When he finished, to two shared a glance. Ciel was ready for this; Sebastian could see it in his eyes. The question was, could Ciel see Sebastian's unwillingness to kill his beloved master in his red ones? Too bad for Sebastian, his master isn't as incompetent as everyone thinks.

"We are going to do this Sebastian." Ciel commanded drily as the two walked out of the study and to Ciel's bedroom. "I don't want to hear that you cannot take my soul. We made an agreement 3 years ago, and, I am ready to give you my soul." They reached the Earl's room and entered in silence. Ciel went over to the bed and sat on in it; he crossed his thin legs, letting his foot bounce up and down impatiently, and his arms were propping him up on the white sheets. "How do we do this?" He asked plainly, clearly disinterested.

Sebastian waked up to him and knelt down by his bedside; the moonlight from the window shown in his demonic eyes as he looked at the boy.

"I wish to not bore you with the details young master. You seem to want this over and done with."

Inside his head he struggled again to not let his real emotions show. He was a _demon_ for Satan's sake! And he should not feel the way he does towards Ciel! Whenever he was forced to carry the near weightless boy, he got feelings inside him, feelings that made his stomach knot up. He got nervous, though he was a master at concealing it, whenever Ciel demanded something from him that involved close contact. Like the times he had to teach the Earl to dance and when he dressed as a young lady to attend the viscount's party. And the worst was at night, when he bathed Ciel. Though he wore a stone expression the entire time, he knew his face turned red. If Ciel asked him what the matter was, Sebastian at least had an excuse that the water was steaming hot and he had many layers of clothing on. Suddenly, his master's voice broke his musings.

"Sebastian? What's gotten into you? Before you would have relished this moment. You've wanted my soul for so long, I could tell. But now --" He silently stared down at his faithful servant, his blue eye searching crimson for an answer. Well, he got one. Without warning, Sebastian had jumped on top of Ciel, who was trapped underneath his butler's body. The man was an arms length apart from his master, who lay beneath him with a look of shock on his face. Ciel's figure looked miniscule compared to his butler's.

Sebastian's black hair hung from his face, his pale skin and eyes illuminated in the moon. "Sebastian!?" Ciel said breathlessly, "Wha...what are you--" He was silenced by Sebastian's finger over his pink lips. His hand then, slowly, slide up to the eye patch covering Ciel's proof of their contract; he took it off gingerly, savoring the moment letting the iridescent purple join the royal blue.

"I told you before, young master. I cannot take your soul." His voice sounded like silk in Ciel's ears, and he blushed mildly, turning his head to the side to avoid any further reddening. Sebastian lowered his face until it was an inch above his master's ear. "I do not want you dead. I want you to live, _Ciel_." At this,

Ciel whipped his head forward to face the demons. He was furious at first for his servant using his name, but that vanished when he saw the look in Sebastian's eyes. Longing, adoration, fear, hope, and so many other jumbled emotions spilled out of those crimson eyes. Another silent moment passed between Ciel and Sebastian before the demon pressed his lips against the boy's. Ciel, somehow, felt this was coming, and he accepted it with open arms, or, in this case, mouth. Then, all the unsaid feelings Sebastian had for his master, all the secret thoughts he had, were conveyed through that kiss. Both felt as if they were the only two in the world, and neither wanted this to feeling to be over. Ciel lifted his head off the mattress, leaning into the kiss, and Sebastian took this as a way to say, "Keep it coming." The boy slowly worked his arms around his butler's neck, their upper bodies joining together. Sebastian knew this wouldn't last much longer, so he savored this first, and probably last, kiss.

Eventually, after a few minutes of kissing, arms locked around each others bodies, Ciel pulled back to catch his breath. Sebastian had wished it could go on, that he could stay in that position forever with his young master. But that was only a fantasy, not a reality. He looked into the boys mismatched eyes and smiled warmly, like any person would do to the one they adored the most. Ciel only met that gaze for an instant before looking away, pale cheeks brushed with pink. "Please, Sebastian. My time is up. End my life and take your prize. Make it hurt. Make it reflect my life and the pain that I've inflicted while here." His small hands gently pushed his butler away, telling him the intimate moment they had just shared was history. Sebastian backed off of the bed, his eyes closed to hide his pain, and bowed.

"Yes, my lord." He pulled off the glove on his left hand, revealing his part of the contract. Ciel moved himself so he was leaning against the plush white pillows on his bed, awaiting his end. The demon sat on the end of the bed and leaned into his master. His face got closer and closer to the boy's neck, his left hand gently brushed Ciel's hair away from his eye so the two contract sighs were overlapping. His other arm worked its way around the boy's waist, pulling the Earl towards the demon. Slowly, gingerly, Sebastian closed his mouth around where Ciel's small, thin neck met his shoulder. His teeth broke the skin and sweet blood rushed into Sebastian's mouth. He began to drink the boy's soul, and the more he took, the more Ciel moaned in pain, though he was trying to hide any hint of weakness. He thought that was just like the young master, trying to play a stone hearted and faced adult even though he was a real child on the inside. The more Sebastian took the more he noticed Ciel's body becoming weaker and weaker. He was fading, and much faster than the demon predicted.

He didn't want to lose Ciel. That boy had showed him kindness that demons like him never came by. Ciel was an irritating, arrogant brat most of the time, but there were moments that only Sebastian witnessed that made him care ever more for the young Earl. And after the entire situation with Baron

Kelvin and his estate, Sebastian had seen Ciel at his weakest. For the first time, Sebastian felt like he truly had to protect the small boy from all his nightmares-made-reality. He hated feeling that way but he wasn't denying it. He cared so much for Ciel Phantomhive that he was willing to break the contract, a big no-no in Hell.

Suddenly, Sebastian released his master. Blood stained the boy's blue shirt and rolled down the corner of the demon's mouth. He laid Ciel back onto his bed carefully and stared longingly at him. His long eyelashes slowly parted and he stared back at his butler. The older man just smiled, got up from the bed and bowed, his crimson eyes sparkling. "I'm sorry my lord. But I truly cannot take your soul. I-" He paused for a moment to make sure he was doing the right thing for them both. "I must leave you now." And he turned to leave, coat tails trailing silently behind him. He could feel Ciel's eyes boring into his back.

"Sebastian..." Was all the child said, more for lack of words than anything else. He had no idea what was going through his butler's mind, no idea about the conflicts inside his heart. "When will you return?"

Ciel whispered, with as little scorn as possible, accepting-though not wanting to-that Sebastian couldn't kill him; that he was leaving and may never be coming back. The demon butler just kept walking and when he reached the door, he pulled it open and walked out, not giving his master an answer. He closed the heavy wood door quietly behind him and before he disappeared into the darkness of the mansion and beyond, he whispered, mostly to himself and maybe to that blackness itself.

"Until I can stop feeling this way towards you young master."

Sebastian Michaelis vanished from the Phantomhive estate.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

Surprises Around Every Corner

Night covered the unusually well kept grounds; light by the moon and the occasional light in the ground. A lone, dark figure made his way up the gravel path that lead to the large mansion, intent eyes were trained on a window of the second floor. A large curtain was partially covering the French doors that lead to a stone balcony. _That was new_, the man thought. He quickly walked up to the front doors and let himself in - _There's no way he would make it this easy. Such a lazy Earl._ It was dark and silent in the entry way, as it was in the rest of the estate; which is what he expected seeing as it was almost 4 o'clock in the morning. He slowly walked up the marble grand staircase that glinted lazily in the moonlight coming in from various windows. He took a right at the top and continued down a long hallway until he arrived at the door he wanted - Earl Phantomhive's bedroom. The man took a breath before he opened the heavy oak door, apprehension and excitement welling slowly inside his body. He grasped the silver knob and turned it, swinging the door open silently. His gaze went straight to the large 4-poster oak bed that was pushed up against the wall in the center of the room. The white sheets lay there undisturbed, glowing in the light of the moon that entered from uncovered windows. _Where has the Earl gone at this time of night? _The man thought to himself for a moment, until a sly, knowing smirk graced his lips. _But, of course. There is one other place... _ And he turned tails and walked back the direction he'd come, stopping at a large pair of double doors close to the grand staircase. _The silly little boy must be in here, as I originally thought._

The man wasted no time in opening the door quietly and slipping into the study, letting the knob click closed softly behind him. Four large bookcases lined the walls, including the one to the right of the French doors. A couch, two cushioned chairs and a plain table sat on top of an ornate rug in the center of the room. And directly in front of the large doors, was a sizable desk with a few books, a stack of papers, and a half empty tea cup upon it. But that wasn't what interested the man, no; it was the one sitting in the grand chair behind the desk. More accurately, the one behind the desk was slumped forward, clearly asleep, on the polished top. _Heh heh. He looks so unguarded lying asleep like that. _The man took careful steps forward until he was right in front of the sleeping male. His gaze settled on dozing person, his features weren't visible since the chair cast a large, dark shadow over his figure. A slim hand reached for the one behind the desk and the man couldn't keep silent any longer. "In that same chair as always I see." At that instant, several things happened in rapid succession. The sleeping person had leapt up onto his knees on the desk; sending papers flying and spilling the last of the tea, spun the man around so that his back was to him, and grabbed a fistful of the intruders hair. He yanked back hard, exposing his neck and pressed a cold, small blade against the man's open throat. Shock played on the man's face, totally taken aback by this turn of events - he was now being held at knife-point. The papers settled on the floor and the only other thing that could be heard was the even breathing of the one with the knife. The two stayed this way for a minute or so until one broke the silence.

"State your name and why you're here. If not, then I slit your throat and that's that." He stated matter-o-factly, his voice low and deadly serious.. Only a stuttered response came from the still surprised man.

"Y-young _master?_" He could feel his attacker stiffen at the voice and remark. The knife pressed closer to the man's flesh, daring to bite and draw blood. The captive let the shock slip away and a large, devious smirk crawl onto his face.

"Wh-who are you?" A laugh emitted from the man's lips, he grabbed the other's hand and removed the knife from his throat, stepping away.

"Honestly, my lord. You have spent 3 years with me and still don't remember it's impossible to kill a demon!?"

"Se-_Sebastian?!?!" _At that, the butler, wearing the appropriate attire, turned around to lock his bright shining crimson eyes with Ciel's utterly dumfounded blue one and eye patched ones. He knelt on one knee, placed his right hand over his heart and replied.

"The one and only, young master." The butler looked the same as the day he left the Phantomhive estate; same raven black hair, red eyes, and same damn annoying smirk. Ciel, on the other hand, had changed _a lot_ in those 4 years. He was no longer a small, weak, utterly useless boy that couldn't even change his clothes without the help of his butler. No, he had grown up in those years, much to Sebastian's amusement.

Ciel cautiously climbed down off the desk and picked up the chair that had fallen, never taking his narrow eye off of his long-lost butler. He let his body fall into the soft leather with an annoyed sigh, grumbling about something with an angry tone. Sebastian just stood there, waiting what his master would say with anticipation. He had thought out the conversation the two would have, going along the lines of Ciel reprimanding Sebastian for leaving him the night he was supposed to kill him, seethe at the butler for kissing him (conveniently forgetting that he hadn't stop him and instead kissed the demon back), and demanding for said demon to finish what he started...

"You made me spill my tea Sebastian. I wasn't finished with that. And my nicely ordered papers are all over the floor, not to mention you woke me up. I had finally fallen asleep after working for 20 hours trying to sort out a mix-up with an import of Australian licorice for a new product." Ciel stated bluntly, in a considerably deeper, smoother voice that could hypnotize almost anyone. His demeanor was relaxed as he gazed at Sebastian with a cold, annoyed, and tired expression. The demon met his gaze and didn't break contact until Ciel got bored of the staring contest and opted to closing his eyes and pushing himself out of the comfortable chair. He walked around to the other side of the desk, turned on the lights in the room, got onto both knees and began to gather the papers. "You know Sebastian; since you left I've learned a few things." He said nonchalantly, not looking up to see the demon's eyebrow rise questioningly

"Oh? I hadn't noticed." He said with mock sarcasm. Yep, same old Sebastian. "That little stunt you pulled when I came in surprised me a little, to be honest, my lord." There was only truth in this statement. Before Sebastian had left, he had never known his master to be one for having any talent in fighting back against anyone, being so small and fragile. Or growing up to be as handsome as he was. Ciel's blue-gray hair was long now, falling over his significantly broader shoulder and tied in a dark red ribbon. He was taller too - it was very hard to miss since before Ciel only rose up to just below Sebastian's chest –now he was a few inches shy of eye level with the demon. His body was lean, from what Sebastian could tell; at least his master wasn't like a twig anymore. He was becoming the perfect image of what an Earl should look like. Determined, exceptionally handsome, deadly, and many more things scrolled through the demon's mind, but he quickly zeroed in on one word in particular; one that seemed to fit better than the rest. The same feelings the demon left his master for resurfaced momentarily with the thought of that one word. _Adult. _Ciel was _very_ adult now… At this thought, Sebastian's eyes went dark; _I am not like that anymore. I only see the young master as a source of sustenance nothing more. If not, all that time I spent…away will have been for nothing if I cannot -_

"Of course it did, Sebastian. You've never seen me do such a thing in the time that you've known me!" Ciel commented as if reading the surface of Sebastian's thoughts. He finished picking up all the papers and placed them where they rested before being knocked over, not noticing his butler staring at him with amused eyes. He rolled up the sleeves of his ash gray shirt and tugged at the crimson and black vest he wore, straightening it out a little and also untying the crimson tie around his collar. "I've learned a few tricks here and there over 4 years; all out of necessity because of your absence." Ciel continued with a hint of accusation in his voice, heavily watered down by the arrogance. He picked up the spilt tea cup and looked at the mess on the desk with no apparent emotions. "And look, there's even tea on my pants Sebastian. If you wanted to make yourself known, you should have knocked." He patted his slim black pants, feeling for where the tea had spread.

"I'm very sorry young master. I did not intend to ruin your papers or attire." He gave a little bow and noticed Ciel wasn't wearing shoes, only his socks. "Young master, where are your shoes?" Ciel snorted and pointed behind Sebastian to a couch. His knee-high black and red boots lay (as if they were kicked off rather happily) next to the black leather couch. "They are uncomfortable sir?" He asked, already knowing the answer. Ciel just nodded, mopping up the last of the tea with a rag he produced from a desk drawer.

"Will I be able to see these "tricks" you've learned, young master?" Ciel snorted again and laughed.

"With you back I have no need to do them, right?" Silence for a moment as Ciel let his tired brain think of a better response. "I might surprise you, Sebastian. You'll just have to wait and see." He said coyly, in his heart and brain melting voice, his flawless, older face displaying a devilish smile. The face Ciel made, much to Sebastian's displeasure, had a small effect on him, making him think back to the night he left - more specifically, _why_ he left. The demon shook his head, clearing his mind and focusing on the present and not his old emotions.

"I'll be looking forward to it then, my lord." He bowed as Ciel walked past him. He opened the door and paused for a moment before continuing out.

"Finni, Maylene, and Bard have missed you terribly, Sebastian. You should pay them a visit since they'll be waking up in a half an hour or so. _I_, however, am going to go to bed since I was not able to get any sleep in here. And, also, I have an engagement to attend to tomorrow night. I need no help, so feel free to fix up the mansion if you feel the servants have been doing a bad job." He looked over his shoulder and said coolly, "Goodnight Sebastian." And walked out of the study, softly closing the door behind him.

The demon was left alone to think about his master. But Sebastian didn't dwell on him for too long, not wanting to get lost in his past feelings for his master and risk his restored demonic pride.

He didn't, or couldn't lose that again...

"Not even a 'Welcome back, Sebastian'." He mumbled. "Well, better go see what those useless servants have done to the estate while I've been away."

And Sebastian, too, exited the room, turning off the lights as he went.

~~Hullo readers!!! SORRY FOR THE DELAY!!!! Please don't kill me! This was way shorter than I intended it to be. I was going to add the thing Ciel had to do the next night but as I was typing it, I got really tired. So that's next chapter, which will be fun for me to write, and hopefully enjoyable to read!!! This was a betch to edit since I'm typing in on a retarded laptop and editing it on a different computer that I hate going on. Ughhh~ I hate technology sometimes… Again, sorry for the wait. I'm a slow person with weird priorities :S

Oh, and in the next chapter will begin the very awkward situations that Ciel unconsciously puts Sebastian in… You'll know it when you read it. Teehee!! :P And a better description of Ciel will be given then too, so you know. This one was a baby description. And, for the record, I looove time skips. They are the best and I wanted one with an older Ciel. So now he's 17… and not a twig. Much to Sebby's liking… Teehee!!!

Hey, guess what!!!!! If you review, it feeds the determination monster in me so I can dish out chapters faster!!! Criticism is even welcomed!! Just don't be too mean or I'll never finish this story and everyone will blame the one who was a jerk! ;3

Toddles~


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